I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
