Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
