I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
