If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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