Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
