i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
