it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
