there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I smell like Dick and happiness
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
