I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize