I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
