Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
