she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
