i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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