He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
