Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
