yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
