I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
