apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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