Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
