But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
