There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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