i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
