just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
