That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
