don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
