just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
