I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
