she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
