So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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