i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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