I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
