what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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