my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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