hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
