Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
