have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
