I just pynch a tree in the face
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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