i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
whose ass print is on the piano?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
