textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
