Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
