4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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