think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
