Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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