I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I need water and some morals
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
