"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
