Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
