What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
