I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
