I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
