I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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