mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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