I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
