I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
