So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
