woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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