thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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