dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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