I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
