Will you blow on my dice?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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