Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
