Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she pinky promised me she was 18
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Randomize
