i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
