I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
