I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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