i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
