I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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