I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
