This is not my ceiling
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
