i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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