So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
