So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
As shirtless as possible
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
